Love

I feel like I have so much love in my heart right now. I just want it to wash over people in waves, and it will be so heavy that it’s hard for them to catch their breath. Then their love will wash over me, and I will drown in it. I will drown so I can live eternally in their love. 

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Mom: “emma I swear to god, if you don’t pick up your phone! I need to be able to get in touch with you!!”

Me: ” yeah mom I know that’s perfectly reasonable”

Mom loses and never answers phone. Okay, thanks. 

The begining of something

Tuesday, November 7th

She walked into the kitchen. She was wearing a sweatshirt with a hood that covered the top of her wet head. Her hair was usually a honey kissed brown but it looked black as she stood there, water dripping off the ends. It was the first time I had seen her without any makeup. Her skin was red and blotchy, and there was a hint of purple under her eyes. The left drawstring of her sweatshirt draped over the book she held close to her chest. I had never read it but I recognized the title; only because it was made into a movie, I hadn’t seen. She was looking at me expectantly–her eyes burning into mine, leaving a mark on me. But I still had no idea why she was there. For some reason I had just now realized the smell of pumpkin spice. My mother had lit a candle before she went out, and I grew increasingly self conscious of the feminine sent. 

this mourning 7-11-15

I miss things I never had, and never could have. Unattainable thoughts and feelings, for unattainable people. Sometimes when things first end you aren’t really sad because you’re distracted by anger; and it’s only after you calm down and forgive this person/ people that you realize how sad you truly are. Forgiveness is a type of ending that, for me, doesn’t always bring closure. Maybe because it can be one sided, especially since I am no longer in contact with the person I forgave. I want to see him, not because I want to fix things or because I want answers, but because I really care about him and still want to have him in my life somehow. I think the thing that makes me the saddest is that he hasn’t reached out to me, it makes me wonder if he didn’t care about me, or maybe he’s still pushing me away because he does. Neither scenario makes the swirling feeling in my stomach subside.

Sometimes..:

I’m feeling quite feral today 

in every true sense of the way 
I don’t want to be touched

 I don’t want to talk much 

cause I’m feeling quite feral today 

Fuck

My exam period begins

I open my short answer packet

I don’t even begin to read it by the- time I see the words

“Empirical formula”

And in my head I hear the word

Fuck

I can see it  

Thick black letters in Helvetia font

With quotations around them

They sit in the pink/grey mushiness of- my brain

Smoke rising as I look for the file

Quarter 3

Unit 6 

Fuck

That was in February 

And I can’t think because 

The word Fuck

Has taken over my brain. 

these four letters

This one word

How can we let it control us

Why are we afraid of it

Why do we hate it

And love it

Why do we need it

I close the short answer packet

And move on the the multiple choice. 

June 11th

Remember when we smiled 

Because we felt it

Not for a picture 

Not for a mom

That’s worried about you

Not because she’s scared

That you’re going to do something 

To yourself 

And you smile

to tell her your okay

Not because you feel it

Like those kids 

riding their bikes

Feeling the wind 

Go through the gap

Between their two front teeth

When that was you 

And your mom didn’t worry 

And you didn’t worry.

Humanity

I am not a human

I am a piece 

Cut out of this universe 

I fit perfectly 

into its holes

It makes room for me

As I change 

and stretch out

It grows with me

It inhales and 

Exhales with me

It lives and

Dies with me

It smiles and

Cries with me

It is me

And I am it

There is no barrier 

Because we are one

Because 

I am not a human 

I am a piece.

poetry, poems, universe, self, self discovery, earth, nature 

A Shift

You are a change

A turn

You are the next peg

In the gear

You are new

You are different

You are more

More everything 

You have eyes

Like I’ve never seen before

And a mind 

that’s the same

You are a shift 

In the wind 

That Changes the weather

Bringing storm or sun 

Have you considered the light?

Do you ever feel like someone, or something, is following you. Listening to every word you say, watching every glace you make. Have you ever considered the light? It’s coming from everywhere, it bends around corners in sharp angles and finds you while you’re on a highly classified spy mission getting some late night ice cream. Or maybe it will find you while your playing hide-and-seek, or just as you wake up it will visit you and leave an idea in your head… asking you “Have you considered the light?”