“Why can’t you just be happy?”

I can’t just be happy, because I have and illness. Yes depression is an illness. So no, I’m not on my period or “just having a bad day”. I am sick. I can’t “just be happy” because it’s hard enough to just try and get through the day without having to plaster a smile on my face. So I am sorry if I’m upsetting you; but I can’t “just be happy”. Could you please “just understand.”



If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
I would say hot cocoa. Because I’m tired and cold. And it’s delicious with marshmallow fluff.


sometimes in the morning when I wake wakeup I think of reasons to get out of bed. Not just things I have to do, but what I really care about. Lately there hasn’t been that many.


I can admit that I am a pessimist, and as a pessimist it is very hard to be a human. Let me explain. As humans we like to imagine that our lives will be easy and good. Yet in my mind I know that a lot of it will suck. I always think that the best outcome is possible, but sometimes it’s just not. My instinct and my experience are at war. My dreams and my life are at war. My humanism and pessimism are at war. Or maybe I’m just a shitty pessimist.

This place

This place.

The hallways

filled with odious maggots.

The aroma of sweat and despondency

permeates my nostrils.

I hear the moans and shouts

of the prisoners,

held captive against their will!

This putrid bastille

is a simile for whats inside.

Yet there is one, that is not the same.

One creature trying to survive

among the bile and gruel

one creature that is so absolute

that you might seek them out.