4/24

Your eyes are blue and brown with flecks of yellow, and I can feel their gaze in the pit of my stomache. The blue of your eyes is so clear I feel like I can see into you. I’m not hungry anymore all I can feel in my stomache is your eyes, there’s no room for hunger. Those little things seem stupid now.

I Can’t Even Believe This…

A blogger that I follow (actually used to follow) wrote a post* explaining why he “[found] it hard for [him] to mourn those who resort to suicide. No one should mourn such selfish people. Life is tough for each and everyone of us but yet we’re still here. How bad could life possibly have been for you that suicide was the only solution”. First of all FUCK YOU. Do you know anything about self harm, suicidal people, or depression. Reading this actually made me feel sick. Can you imagine how triggering this post could be for someone that was suicidal, since he obviously knows nothing about the subject he wouldn’t know that this could put someone over the edge. I just find it hard to believe that someone could be so insensitive, and ignorant. Some people believe that all publicity is good publicity, obviously this blogger just wanted attention and reactions. All and all, this post was immature, ignorant, uninformed, and hurtful. I am truly offended.

*I believe the post has since been deleted.

Birth

I wonder what its like to be born

to feel the stale

delivery room air

hit your skin

for the first time.

To be evacuated from your

state of comfort

launched into this world

this place with movement and

voices all around you.

You cry because you’re confused  

you’re cold and naked

and being touched by people

humans that you didn’t know

existed.

Being handled

by strangers and screaming

bewildered and scared

wanting to go home

Falling Stars

Those stars in the sky,
are just rain drops.
Hanging there
resisting the constant pull
5 of gravity.

waiting
waiting to fall
to relinquish
control
10 and let gravity win.

Then they fall
and grace our cheeks,
and our houses,
and our town.
15 they make us look
not only look
but they make us
see.

see the other stars,
20 falling from the sky.
aswell
as what’s
beyond them
and what’s
25 inbetween.

Lullabies

The ocean she whispers to me
Shhh she says
so soft and clear
“Whenever you may feel alone
5 You shall always know I’m here”
Shhh She says
“Hear me whisper
soft and clear,
secrets of the sea
10 Into your ear.”

I can hear her,
day by day,
the sound of her lullaby
makes me sway.
15 As if I was a ship
on my way,
getting further from reality
each and every day

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Today I went to the nurse because I was getting a migraine, nothing unbearable, I just needed some advil. The nurse asked if I would like to lie down for a bit. Naturally my hatred of history made me accept her offer. Lying there I began to cry, not a lot, but enough. I didn’t even know I needed to. Maybe it was my history paper due Friday, maybe it was my procrastination catching up to me, maybe it was my resentment of the person I’d become. Someone so unmotivated and unhappy that she didn’t care anymore. A selfish shitty human being that, at 15, was beginning to give up on her future. But I don’t know what to do; because I can’t just watch a fucking Disney movie and become someone else. Especially when I don’t even have the energy to try. So yeah I’m a fucking mess. okay. bye

2/11/15

Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I can’t do anything right. I always end up displeasing other people or myself. Even if I don’t do anything at all, shit tends to fall apart.